Monday, June 9, 2014


You ever have that moment where you realize that you really screwed up. And the reality is, you have done it so many times because you are so selfish and seem to take advantage of certain people for no apparent reason. I truly don't understand why I do this. But yesterday I did it to a couple different people and I of course could justify my reasoning but at the end of the day does it really matter? After receiving a text today explaining what I had done to a person that I really care about I realized that my justification and my excuses don't mean shit to anyone. It is just a way to make me feel better about my behavior. And there isn't a sorry in the world that will make it better. Maybe one day this person will forgive me but even if he does, I am not deserving and he is right to eliminate me from his life because I have taken advantage of him time and time again without realizing the effect it would have. The only way that this can ever get better is for me to stop being so selfish and inconsiderate. 
I may never speak to him again which is devastating to me but he has every right to feel the way he does. But one thing I do know is that I never want to do this to another person again. So I have to start somewhere to make the change. I do hope that I can be successful with this and it isn't chopped up to me blowing smoke again. I want to be reliable and trusted and at this point that is not the case. I am truly sorry. For what its worth!