Probably in every huge decision I have made there have been moments of regret after the fact. Wishing things could have played out differently. Or wondering if this one thing would have happen, would my life be different right now? I feel like I allow for destruction to happen in my life and I have a really hard time allowing myself to be happy. Then I think maybe I need to do something life changing, like move out of state and start all over but that terrifies me because it is a huge world of unknown. But I want change, I desire it. But the type of change that allows for happiness and having the desires of my heart. Even though I am surrounded by a lot of people I love I feel like I walk this world alone and I desperately want that to change!
I have learned so much about myself in the past 6 months since separating from my husband. Which was a very short lived relationship in the first place. Impulsive decisions are not always a good thing. Hoping that time will allow you to change the way someone thinks never works. No matter how much you love someone, if they are not happy with themselves, your love will never be enough. And even when you fight so hard to make something work, there is nothing wrong with walking away when there is no hope of change.
It was a very dark hour. For many months but looking back, how could I have ever known it would turn out the way it did. I can't fix it, I can't change it, I can only learn from it and grow and hope that the next will be what I have been waiting for.
Until then, I will never know what life is going to throw my way. Things change day by day and all I can do is focus on me and what I want and believe that as long as I share that with the universe I will receive what my heart desires!
Today is a lazy Saturday. Its gloomy and rainy. A perfect day in October in Washington!
Its time to get off my ass and go out into this world and see what it has to offer me!