Saturday, September 14, 2013

I just don't know anymore

And again, it has been a while. I have been asked when I will write something again, because there is that one person in my life that really believes my writing is good. I love doing it but they are just my thoughts. However, I realized that I haven’t had many thoughts lately and that is why I haven’t sat at my computer and typed them out. Before I had so much pain to mull over time and time again, whereas now I feel as though I am just numb and I always seem to fall into the same pattern and it seems as though the story is always the same. I read the last blog I wrote and it lead to feeling inspired but that faded as quickly as it came. I don’t do anything that I enjoy. I have a boring job that consumes my time, no one to come home to. My house is always empty and I just don’t get the point. If this is what life is supposed to be then I don’t want it anymore.

I want something entertaining that brings life and laughter and joy. Something out of the norm and that can’t come from another person. And it shouldn't. 

Sometimes I feel like there is a huge block. That I have this great idea and I think it through and it will only take a little bit of effort to make it happen but then it is gone as quickly as it appeared. Why does that happen? Why are some people so driven and can make anything happen but it is so hard for others, like me. I don’t understand….

Maybe this is not for me to understand. Maybe I think too much and don’t act. I guess time will only help me to figure that one out. So until then….

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